What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
