Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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