she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
