my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
