You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
