woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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