So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
