As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
