i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
