Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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