I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
