There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
