i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
