So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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