We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
