We're facebook friends in real life
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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