he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
