i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
