The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
