We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
