My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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