I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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