Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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