capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
