Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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