clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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