You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
