he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
