i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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