I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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