We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
