You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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