I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
