I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
