To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
