yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize