Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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