Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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