No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
