seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
