Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
