Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
