sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
