weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
