i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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