I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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