I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
