Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
