you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
