Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
