Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
