Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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