i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
