dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
