i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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