When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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