I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
