whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
