Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize