i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize