Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
