I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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