I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
