Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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