People in love make me want to vomit
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
