WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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