I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
