She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
