dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize