The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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