also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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