just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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