It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize