fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you had me at cake vodka
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
