ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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