And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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