i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
