oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
