He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
