a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
