Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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