dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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