I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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