So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
