i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
