then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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