I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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